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Hey there! I'm Rebecca, and if you're reading this, chances are you know that feeling when your mind goes into overdrive in social situations. You know the one – where you're more focused on analyzing your every word than actually being present in the conversation. Trust me, I get it.
Let's Talk About What's Really Going On
When we're dealing with social anxiety (and yes, it's way more than just being "shy"), our brain is basically running an overprotective security system. Here's what's fascinating about it: your brain isn't broken – it's actually trying really hard to keep you safe. The problem is, it's using outdated software!
What It Actually Feels Like
If you're nodding along to any of these, you're not alone:
In Your Body:
That sudden racing heart when someone asks for your opinion in a meeting
Stomach doing somersaults before social events (and sometimes during!)
Breaking into a sweat when attention turns to you
Voice changes that come out of nowhere (hello, shaky voice!)
Feeling dizzy or light-headed in social situations
Muscle tension that shows up uninvited
That frustrating blush that creeps up your neck at the worst moments
In Your Mind:
The exhausting internal narrator critiquing your every move
Replaying conversations for hours (or days!) afterward
Mental rehearsal of every possible scenario before social events
Constant worry about being judged or scrutinized
That nagging feeling that you're somehow "different" or "broken"
Difficulty concentrating because you're so focused on how you're coming across
The mental gymnastics of crafting the "perfect" text message
How It Shows Up in Daily Life
At Work:
Holding back great ideas in meetings because speaking up feels too risky
Avoiding networking events even though you know they're important
Struggling with performance reviews or salary discussions
Missing out on leadership opportunities because of presentation anxiety
Taking twice as long to write emails because you're overthinking every word
Feeling drained after video calls or team meetings
Hesitating to ask questions when you need clarification
In Relationships:
Difficulty maintaining friendships because socializing feels exhausting
Avoiding dating or limiting yourself in relationships
Missing important life events (weddings, celebrations) due to anxiety
Struggling to set boundaries for fear of rejection
Finding it hard to be spontaneous in social situations
Feeling like you're always on the outside looking in
Having trouble sharing your true thoughts and feelings
In Your Personal Life:
Avoiding exercise classes or gym workouts because of social anxiety
Ordering delivery instead of eating at restaurants
Putting off important appointments or errands
Feeling unable to enjoy social events even when you do attend
Experiencing physical exhaustion from constant alertness
Limiting your personal growth opportunities
Struggling with sleep before social events
The Cycle That Keeps Us Stuck
You've probably tried all sorts of things to manage these feelings:
Over-preparing for every social interaction
Using alcohol or other substances to feel more comfortable
Relying on your phone as a safety net in social situations
Only going to events if you have a "safe" person with you
Reading countless self-help books without finding lasting change
Trying to "fake it till you make it" (exhausting, right?)
Here's the thing: these strategies might provide temporary relief, but they often keep the anxiety cycle going long-term.
A Different Approach: Working With Your Brain, Not Against It
Instead of fighting your anxiety (which, spoiler alert: tends to make it stronger), let's try something different. Here's what actually works:
1. Understanding Your Anxiety's "Software"
Think of anxiety like your brain's antivirus program – it's trying to protect you, but sometimes it flags normal situations as threats. The first step isn't fighting it, but understanding why it's showing up.
2. Small Steps, Big Impact
Remember: we're not aiming for perfection here. Success might look like:
Sending that work email without re-reading it 15 times
Staying present in a conversation instead of mentally rehearsing your next response
Letting yourself be imperfect in low-stakes situations (it's actually way more relatable!)
3. Building Your Social Confidence Toolkit
Just like building any other skill, social confidence comes from having the right tools and practice. We'll work on:
Moving your focus outward instead of getting stuck in self-monitoring
Managing those physical anxiety symptoms (without trying to eliminate them completely)
Building genuine connections without exhausting yourself
The Path to Real Change
Through my work with ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), I've seen how combining these approaches can create lasting change:
ERP helps you gradually face feared situations while learning to reduce safety behaviors
ACT teaches you to accept anxiety symptoms while still moving toward what matters to you
Together, they help you build both confidence and authenticity
A Note from Someone Who Gets It
When I first started working with social anxiety, it wasn't just from my professional training – it came from my own journey of learning to trust myself in social situations. Now, as a therapist with 12 years of experience, I combine evidence-based approaches with real-world understanding of what it's like to navigate social anxiety.
Ready to Write Your Own Story?
Your anxiety has been writing your social story for long enough. Whether it's speaking up in meetings, building meaningful friendships, or just feeling more at ease in your own skin, you get to decide what the next chapter looks like.
Remember: The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety completely (that would be like trying to turn off your brain's security system entirely). Instead, it's about updating that system so it works for you, not against you.
Want to explore how we can work together to build your social confidence? I offer therapy specifically designed for millennial women dealing with social anxiety. We'll work at your pace, using proven approaches that actually make sense for real life.
Reach out for a consultation – no pressure, just a genuine conversation about where you are and where you want to be. Sometimes the bravest step is simply acknowledging that you're ready for change. https://calendly.com/brainbotanics/one-to-one-therapy-consultation
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